You've no doubt noticed the header change from almost a solid year of being there to what it is now. And thus you see the source of my confliction. You see, I'm in a weird spot. It isn't easy for me to write this, as I haven't actually got it all sorted out as of this time. As long as I have been in posession of enough ability to view something in amazement, I have been a Captain America fan. Not the kind of fan, mind you, that has every issue and is intimately familiar with all aspects of the Cap's history. Even so, I am not unfamiliar with his character either. I have drifted in and out of the story of Cap pretty much all of my life. Mostly in favor of other aspects of the comics continuum.
No, I'm not a johnny-come-lately Cap fan... Just a fan. But see, that's just it. Captain America stood as more than a simple comic character. In the darkest recesses, even the most hardened critic and haters of comics had/have pieces of Captain America within them. Cap is/was the universal symbol of us as Americans. His undying love for his country. No, he didn't always agree with what was going on, but he never turned his back on the country. I defy anyone to deny that each and every time that they saw Cap or his shield, they felt pride in who they are as Ameicans. As I write this, I realize that the younger I was, the more of a Captain America fan I was. Before our facination with mutants, born or man-made, or our intellectual growth into larger issues, we identified with the simplicity that Steve Rogers represented. Red/White/Blue; American Pride/Spirit; Good vs. Bad. Not flashy, not covered in weapons and never beyond understanding. Pretty much the same reason that I cry every time the National Anthem is played.
I feel that I took Captain America for granted. I feel that I didn't pay him the proper respect as I feverishly read Daredevil, X-Men, Wolverine, Iron Man, and every other comic that I was reading, that wasn't Captain America. I feel that I wronged him by thinking that he'd always be there, just out of eye-sight, with his shield protecting us from the world. And that when I needed him, all I had to do was turn around, reach out, and there he'd be. When I turned around last week, he wasn't there as he had been in the past, and my heart hurt.
It has taken me a week to formulate this post. At first, I wanted to post his obituary, or some headline from the Daily Bugle, but even then, I felt ashamed. Ashamed to recognize him and his sacrifice because I didn't give him enough respect while he lived. I'm still not square with my feelings on this situation. I'll sort them out, or I won't. I'll still miss Captain America.
L8R,
Wrench
